Emily

I was hoping that my first review would be a good one lads... needless to say "Emily" is going to be a bad review.

I called her at approximately 13:00 today to schedule myself in... she told me 17:45 would be fine and that she would see me then. She was real pushed on the phone, and it did not instill confidence in her on my part. She did, to her credit, keep my appointment time.

After being given the most circuitous directions known to man I finally got to her apartment across from Morrison Hotel.

After waiting what seemed forever at her door (in plain view of many passers by, I might add) a short but attractive girl answered the door. I am reasonably sure it was not the girl in the photo but it looked enough like her that I did not mind. She also claimed to be Italian, but I think she is really Brazilian... I could be wrong though.

We navigated through the labyrinth that was her apartment building and finally arrived at her shabby abode (shabby is a compliment, this place was a shithole). However, I couldn't give a fuck less what her apartment looked like; I was there to get laid.

This is when things went from bad to worse.

She was full of nervous tension like she was on speed and she kept talking about "police". Her comments, in turn, made me more nervous.

She then asked if I had a preference with regards to her outfit. After hearing the choices, I opted for nurse (yeah, I am a kinky fuck). She came back to the room 10 minutes later dressed in some sort of a bastardized school girl outfit. This, in no way resembled a nurses outfit. She said something to the tune of "I am a school girl! Just like you wanted!"; this girl was obviously not listening or playing with a full deck.

I paid her €200... €150 for 30 minutes plus an additional €50 for anal.

She started out acting really hyper and uneasy. I asked her to calm down and then, without asking, she went all GFE. Some guys might like that, I don't. GFE is for lonely suckers. I am looking for the hardcore porn star experience. If I liked GFE I'd have a girlfriend.

In her advert she stated she provided OWO, but yet she immediately went for a condom. I said "your advert says you provide OWO, is this not the case?" and she replied with "oh, I do but it's €50 extra". At this point I was angry. I told her that it was pure bullshit to pull that kind of con on me. She immediately realized I could not be suckered and recanted.

It was all for not though, because she already sullied the mood and my erection went south. I told her that I wanted my money back and that her actions would earn her no favors in Dublin. After trying to convince me otherwise, she did return my €200.

This girl is a little con artist and the level of bullshit involved with pulling off a successful punt with her is staggering. I would recommend staying away.

When I said to "Emily: "there are lots of girls in this town" she replied "well go to one of them then!". There you go lads; right from the horse's mouth, give her a pass!